


sometimes (you might find you feel a little like you're on the wrong side of life)

by armario



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Gen, It could be canon, M/M, Only these two lol, Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 02:17:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9214544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/armario/pseuds/armario
Summary: Shane loved Rick before anyone else here, and they'd do best not to forget it.





	

Sometimes it'll hit, the shock of how fast everything changed in barely any time at all.

Everything seems so crazy, like in them movies they used to watch behind the sofa as kids. The dead are alive, and the living are dying. It's all so different. But sometimes, everything is all too familiar- Carl's laugh; he is so like his dad, Lori's half smiles caught between amused and disapproving, Rick's split wide grin the same as it was when he was fourteen and Shane drove them all the way down the country lane in a car from the garage. It's rare, sure, but it still gives him that spark in his heart that makes him warm inside, like he has a real family.

Most of the time, he's angry. Angry because Carl isn't his, even though he tried hardest he's ever tried at being a good father figure to him and always will. Angry because Lori isn't his, even though he was the one to guide her through when the world went to shit, kept her fed and warm at night, wiped her tears they spilled for the same person.

The person who should have been dead.  
And angry because Rick _is_ his, but no one else seems to realise that. He loved Rick before anyone else here did, and they'd do best not to forget it. He knows everything to possibly know about the man and cares for him so deeply it hurts a lot of the time, real bad, so Shane takes it out on Rick and then it hurts even more.

Adding to the mix, his life is always in danger. Carl's life, Lori's life, Rick's life. Any second, a walker could creep up, drooling and spitting gore, drag its rotting hands over some unsuspecting victim and bring them down with yellow teeth, sharp from gnawing on bones- one bite and you're fucked.

Which is why Shane is making this stupid decision now, because, he figures (maybe with the help of some of Hershel's sneaky alcohol stash; don't think he'd missed that), if you could be struck down dead at any moment, you can do what the hell you want.  
Lori's out watching Carl, which is a bonus. On a kind of whiskey tinted stealth mission, Shane creeps best he can to Rick's tent.

"Hey," he says gruffly.

Rick turns, fast, face softens at the sight of him. "Hey."

"Can I talk to you?" Shane asks. He clears his throat. "Outside."

Rick follows him out into the dusk. A little way from everyone else, behind a few trees just before the fence so that they're out of sight. On their right, the bloated sun dips below the wood, dyeing the sky pink. It'd be pretty if there weren't prettier things about.  
Speaking of, Shane turns back to Rick.

"Listen, I want-"

"You've been drinking?"

"I barely had anything, man. Just somethin' t' take the edge off, that's all. I want you to know that I... I'm sorry."

Rick blinks. It's hard to catch him unaware, and the fact that it only happens when Shane apologises, rare as it is, is a little sad. Shane loses a little confidence with the shame wrapping round him.

"I hate to see you stressed. It's unnatural."

Rick snorts.

That's a lie. Mostly he likes it, because if Rick's stressed then he's the only one who can swoop in and make him feel better, like some sort of superhero. And Rick looks at him like that's what he is too, all grateful and loving. It's scary.

"I want everything to be okay and I want us all to be safe," Shane continues, resting a heavy hand on Rick's shoulder. He pauses a little. "I miss when... everything was simpler. When it was just me and you. We had each other's backs, right?"

Rick huffs a laugh, grabs at Shane's other wrist and holds it there, bumps their foreheads together. "Yeah, yeah, we did. I still got you, Shane. You know that. I love you, you're my best friend. Nothin's gonna change that."

"I don't meant to hurt you."

Well, he does. That's kind of the problem. But it's the same thing. You shouldn't hurt the people you love.

"We're good," Rick's voice is tired, his thumbs brush over the stubble on Shane's cheeks. "I'm worried about you. Talk to me if you want."

Shane laughs, an awful, dry, humorless sound. "God, Rick. Can't talk about this. Talking don't solve shit."

"You tried it? Feels better sometimes. I miss the old days too, man."

Shane shakes his head, pulls gently out of his friend's grasp. Hardens his face 'cause he's good at that, has been since he was a kid and he had to just to stay on top- he's only ever let Rick see his guard down.

"Times have changed, brother," Shane tells him, placing a little emphasis on the last word. "Hard decisions to make. People get left behind. You decide who has priority over others. You have to accept that."

Rick studies him, rubs a hand over his face, shakes his head and then nods. "I know."

He claps Shane on the back and turns away, to leave.

Shane grabs his wrist and turns him round, meets his eyes and says, "But I won't leave you behind again."

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two so much... their relationship is so deep?? Like it doesn't have to be sexual but they really love each other . Title from Sometimes by The Rifles


End file.
